MY APOLOGY
by slefanitsa
Summary: Ulquiorra Cifer, after his last battle with Kurosaki Ichigo, he had promised Shirosaki before turning into ashes that he would return to meet him. Shirosaki waited for days, and even months, but he didn't see Ulquiorra anywhere. Where is he?


A branch oh a dead cherry blossom's tree fell down, cracking up when its fragile shape hit the rough surface of the ground. The only panorama could be seen in winter was the road covered with a white velvet carpet of snow and all collapsed cherry blossom's trees in the cheerful town called Karakura. Although it's already the first month of the year—January—the snow still fell as if the winter would never end.

Silence.

There was nothing he could hear, but the raindrops—the raindrops hit every inch of the building where he lived. It should have been stopped long time ago, then why did it come back? The only reason why the rain wouldn't stop must be his one and only King. That man must have a problem inside his mind. Grumbling, the pale guy clenched his fist and wandered around, looking for the person who had to deal with this problem.

Hichigo Shirosaki, casually popped out from Kurosaki Ichigo's inner world, tapped the tip of his fingers against Ichigo's desk, waiting. Even though he had enough fight with his king, he could not deal with the rain that causing his world became such a mess. Knowing that his king ignored him, the albino threw a pencil at his head and successfully hit its target.

"Yo, you King! Stop that damn rain damnit!"

"Rain, huh?" Ichigo finally looked at his hollow and raises his eyebrow. "It rains again inside there?"

"Tch—don't pretend that you don't know it, Ichigo! You know the rain won't stop, then do something!" The albino gritted his teeth—angry.

"Nah, I can't." Ichigo answer shortly because he knew he could no nothing. There was something happened, indeed. But anything happened there had nothing to do with the shinigami daiko.

"You bas—" Hichigo suddenly stopped, throwing his sight somewhere randomly as his eyes widened inhumanly. "Fuck! This reiatsu is—how did I just realize it?" The albino jumped in alarm, a blade appeared on his hand as ready to attack someone.

"Oi! Calm down you bastard!" Ichigo yelled. His eyes widened as e saw the his blade popped out carelessly. "You don't need that blade, Shirosaki."

"Huh?" The albino looked at his king in disbelief. How could he ask him to stay calm when he sensed such a thick and strong reiatsu which was belonged to one and only person he knew who almost killed them. One of the Espada with a ridiculous blue hair and make up on his face.

_Tch. This idiot human being must be kidding me by now. What the fuck is that Espada doing around here?_ The blade disappeared—though it didn't mean that Hichigo would allow Grimmjow to leave alive if he dare to appear in front of him. There was no second chance for him, no. He wasn't Ichigo who would easily give a second chance to someone. Hah! The memory of Ichigo protected Grimmjow from the spoony Espada suddenly crossed his mind, making the albino frowned. He must have taken control of his king's body that time, and with a single blow… boom! The Sexta Espada would disappear forever. But here, he sat on the king's desk almost two year after the battle with that ridiculous kitten Espada and suddenly that fucking thick reiatsu appeared—again.

"Hah… I don't know what's in your mind, Ichigo! That bastard is here, huh? I can sense his reiatsu, so close…" He rubbed his chin, awaiting for the other's response.

Ichgo interlaced his fingers and rested his chin on it, staring at Hichigo lazily. He recalled the moment happened this morning… It was right that this reiatsu only belonged to one person, the Espada who suddenly came to visit him. It was a surprise at the first time when the door was knocked and a blue-haired guy with his sadistic grin appeared behind it, bringing a bag of fruits this morning. Ichigo—who usually simply guessed it was Rukia—almost got a heart attack when the Espada waltzed through his house as soon as he let the door open.

"Heh, Kurosaki!" The Espada grinned, casually threw the bag at him and walked to the living room, meeting two of Ichigo's sister.

"Oi! What the hell are you—" Jaw-dropped, the orange-haired boy stared at the back of the blu-haired one. "—Fuck? Isn't that guy Grimmjow? What the—" He ran to the living room and saw the Espada sat on the couch, talking to two of his sisters.

"Kurosaki! Your house is the comfortable one!" A grin.

_Damn. What does this bastard do around here?_ "What do you want?" Ichigo furrowed his eyebrow, putting the bag of fruits on the table carelessly. He saw the Espada looked at the TV and shrugged. Ichigo could see that Grimmjow took a glimpse at him for a second before he grinned at his sisters.

"Tch… your brother is not welcome this morning, huh?" Now he turned around, looking at the shinigami daiko completely.

"Ichi-nii… why are you so rude to your friend?" Yuzu pouted, staring at his brother with a protest in her eyes.

"Yeah, Ichi-nii… you don't look like usual," Karin added.

"You two, keep away from that guy. It's not save to be his friend."

Grimmjow laughed. "Oi! Oi! Calm your ass down, Kurosaki! It's not like I want to hurt anyone here. You see? I come to visit—_and say 'hi'_," another malicious grin decorated the blue-haired guy.

"Ichi-nii!" Yuzu stared at his brother.

"Yuzu, Karin, he's not my friend." Ichigo said. "Now keep away from him."

"But he's nice to us, Ichi-nii!" Karin scowled at him, wondering why his brother act this weird to one of his friend.

Trying not to provoke his guest, Ichigo walked toward him calmly. "What's your purpose by coming here, Grimmjow?"

Relaxing his neck, Grimmjow yawned lazily and stared back at him. "Heh, didn't I tell you, Kurosaki? I come to visit you."

Come to visit me? There were certain points he could not understand by "come to visit" that Grimmjow said even twice. What would he do by visiting him in the world of the living? It didn't look like the Espada would be friend with him—but coming in peace and bringing a bag of fruit was a sign that… Grimmjow became a nice person? No, Ichigo tried not to laugh at his own thoughts. The last time they met was in such a cruel situation in which this blue-haired Espada trying to kill him. _And there is no way this guy could be a good person…_

"Oi Ichigo!" A wicked-sounded voice startled him from his thoughts. Ichigo looked back at the albino who sat on his desk, licking his lips with a blue disgusting tongue. "What the fuck are you thinking about now, huh? That bastartd?" He referred to Grimmjow, of course.

"Hah… nothing." Ichigo scratched the back of his head and then threw his weight on his soft and warm bed, ignoring the albino who scowled at him.

"Tch you bastard! I'll be going!" He jumped down from the desk. It was better to stay away from Ichigo since he had no chance to fight him at the moment. Something—he couldn't guess what was that—was bothering him lately. Somehow the albino didn't realize it was the reason why the rain wouldn't stop.

Picking one of Ichigo's sweater—a fluffy maroon sweater which was looked warm— after getting into his gigai, Hichigo walked off the room, putting it on his pale body. He could hear the man's voice—Grimmjow's voice—laughing, joking with two of Ichigo's sister. _Tch… what a bothersome._ He would really better off the house before he got into a meaningless fight with the kitten. Tch… Aizen's kitten!

Reaching the door-knob, the albino gritted his teeth and he felt the reiatsu only few meters behind him, Grimmjow stood with a grin on his face.

"Hey you albino!" Grimmjow threw a strawberry at Hichigo's head. "Where'ya going, huh?"

Turning around, Hichigo replied with a grin on his lips as well. "Hah! Going everywhere I want I guess isn't yer business huh? Why the fuck you care, _kitty_?"

The Espada gritted his teeth, a grin disappeared from his face and Hichigo laughed inside his mind. _Hah, did I hit the nerves, Grimmjow?_ Intead of waiting for the other's answer, the albino turned the door-knob and walked out the house, gasped the cold air in the outside. It had been long he didn't feel such a fresh air—yeah since all he had in Ichigo's inner world were rain, rain and rain! When he just stepped two paces away from the door, he could feel the man followed him.

"Where are ya going, huh?" It sounded serious, what the hell did Grimmjow want?

"Hah… somewhere. Dunno," the albino finally answered without trying to insult the other.

Grimmjow stepped beside him, tucking his hands into his pockets as he prevented the cold freeze his finger. They walked in silence, feeling awkward because it was the first time they met in such situation. Shaking his head, the albino batted the thoughts about fighting this guy again. No, it's Ichigo's business and wasn't his. The only thing he cared for now was something that bothered him. Hichigo felt the urgent of finding the real issues why on earth he couldn't feel the tranquility.

The rain.

What had happened…? Could anyone even tell? It seemed to be impossible to find the reason why he felt this hollow. But he needed to find it…

"Something bothers you heh?" The Sexta finally asked.

"Nah, nothing." He furrowed his eyebrows. But actually there was something.

They arrived at the river near to Ichigo's house. The glittered water as the dim evening sun light hit its surface looked so calm when the wind blew gently. Their surrounding was snowy, even though they almost completely melted. The serenity preserved in front of his golden eyes, yet there was an empty space inside him which couldn't be filled with anything.

He closed his eyes, concentrated his mind in a single piece of memory he could remember perfectly. A dark and bizarre silhouette stood so close yet so far in front of him. _Who are you?_ Hichigo stretched his hand to reach at the hand which tried to reach him. But the more he tried to catch it, the more the silhouette going far. So far, until the only thing he could perceive was a flash of green light—

"Ulquiorra?" Hichigo opened his eyes, panted. He looked around but found nothing, all he saw was Grimmjow squatted down beside him. He was laying on the icy ground on the river's lips.

Grimmjow looked at him in confuse. "Ulquiorra, heh? What the fuck with that bastard?" Grimmjow raised an eyebrow, trying to hide his real expression.

"How did you come back here?" Hichigo sat up and attacked the Espada with a question. "_How?_"

"I'm not dead, you fucktard! Of course I come back here, tch!"

"I see." Hichigo murmured on his sleeve. He must go away from Grimmjow at the moment. "Well, see ya home, _kitty_. And don't fucking follow me!" He stood up, dust the snow off of his clothes.

He glanced back at the blue haired Espada who frowned in such saddened expression but he didn't care, keeping his pace to stay away from him—for this moment, all he needed were he and himself. As he walked away, his mind drifted to the vision he had seen moments ago. Was it Ulquiorra? The albino held his chest as a feeling of a knife stabbing his chest became even more painful than before.

_Fuck_.

The cloudy sky went darker and the sun slipped down the horizon, but the albino stood still in the middle of the road to the nearest forest, looking blankly at the empty space in his surroundings. His mind couldn't help but recall his past, sending pain through his shivered-body and he started to sob painfully. Falling down to his knees, Hichigo covered his face with his palm while the other hand held his weight on the ground. It was such a heartache when the flash of green light crossed his mind.

_Do not say good bye. I will be back for you. Thank you, for defeating me and showing me the heart._

That cold and high confidence voice echoed in his mind and he noticed it's belonged to the Cuarta Espada, Ulquiorra Cifer. He brought himself back to the last time he met that man, trying to catch his hand before Orihime but he got nothing. The ashes, flying away with the cold and gentle wind blowing in Hueco Mundo. He couldn't be alive, could he? Then why did he promise such words to him? Why did he say he would come back if he knew he wouldn't?

_Ulquiorra, did you just give me an empty hope? Fuck. Why did you lie to me, bastard?_ He groaned when he couldn't bear the pain inside, smaking his head with his fists.

Wasn't it all his fault? He was the only one who defeated the Cuarta. He was the only one who helped Ichigo to kill him. He was the reason why Ulquiorra died…

_Is this the reason why the rain won't stop? Is this the reason why I couldn't feel the serenity? Answer me, Ulquiorra, I know you hear me!_

Sobbing, the albino screamed painfully to the sky as if by doing that, Ulquiorra would go down from somewhere he was now to visit him. He wasn't Grimmjow, was he? Hichigo looked around, almost insane as the memories of Ulquiorra kept attacking him.

"Fuck you Ulquiorra! Why the fuck you lie to me?" He groaned, holding his chest as if it would tear apart if he let go of his hand from there.

Silence.

"Why did you promise me that? Why did you say you will come back to me?" He said lowly. Hichigo frowned as his eyes started tearing in pain. "Get your ass here, damnit…" All the words he said came out from his mouth weakly.

"Ulquiorra…"

**_[Meanwhile… somewhere far away…]_**

Ulquiorra stared blankly, a usual look on his face—never change. He was sitting somewhere he couldn't indentify, wearing a totally different clothing than the Espada outfit—a white kimono. He brushed his hair with his hand and found his hollow mask gone somehow. Was this the place called "Hell"? He couldn't be in Heaven, could he? He must be somewhere—not in Hueco Mundo nor real world. It was the place he didn't know its existence.

This voice…

He looked up at the monotonous-colored sky. It was the voice of that annoying albino.

"Shirosaki?" He parted his lips and suddenly the name slipped off his lips.

"_Fuck you Ulquiorra! Why the fuck you lie to me?"_

His eyes widened. Lie? How did he lie to him? "Need you attack me with such insignificant accusation, Shirosaki?" Ulquiorra said dryly, he didn't even know if Hichigo couldn't hear his voice.

"_Why did you promise me that? Why did you say you will come back to me?"_

"…" Ulquiorra frowned. He got the point now. Was it about the promise he couldn't even keep? The promise that he would somehow come back to him?

… _Did you wait for me all this time?_

Silence. But this time, Ulquiorra didn'r enjoy the silence at all. It was a strange feeling hit his chest—the place where his "4" tattoo was laid on.

_What was this feeling?_

"You did not hear me, did you?" He asked to the empty space. "My apology, Shirosaki. I could not keep my promise to you."

_Arigatou… for waiting of my return. But here I am… I could not come back to you._


End file.
